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Posted by / 02-Aug-2017 15:13

4 A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the train.”The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. "Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. I wish you would eat some makeup so that you’re pretty on the inside too! I farted in the Apple store and everyone yelled at me. Virginity is like a soap bubble, one prick and it is gone. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

You spend the first 2 years of a child's life teaching them to walk and talk.

Online dating is a laid back version of speed dating except you don’t need to be physically presentable; you need to arm yourself with catchy headlines, subject lines, and come up with a successful way to approach and initiate conversation to a complete stranger.

Ultimately you are shopping through profiles, looking at the ingredients of the individual to see if it’s something you really want to purchase before putting it back on the shelf or carting it.

" -Robin Williams "A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

" -Jerry Seinfeld "If two wrongs don't make a right, try three." -Laurence J. I didn't want to interrupt her." -Rodney Dangerfield "I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens." -Woody Allen "Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot." -Groucho Marx "Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? " -Jean Kerr "I’ve been getting into astronomy, so I installed a skylight.

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I wanted to get it for you, but then I realized it's my own reflection! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea, does that mean that one enjoys it? Boobs are just proof that men can focus on two things at once. Just once I'd like to read a medicine bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness" Some day when scientists discover the center of the universe, many people are going to be disappointed to find out it isn't them.